Emmalise Joy

This will be my last blog post for awhile.  I'm going to take a hiatus from facebook for I'm not sure how long. I may blog again at a later time, but I also may not.  I will see how the Lord leads me.  As you can probably imagine, logging into facebook and seeing pictures of other mamas pregnant, or announcements of other babies due in May is triggering for my grief.  And it's not that I am not happy for those mamas- I believe that we can rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn (Romans 12:15)- but it is just an intense reminder of what I have lost.  The ache and longing in my heart for my precious baby girl becomes unyielding, and in all honesty I wrestle with God as feelings of jealousy or bitterness arise and I become angry for what He has taken away from me.  I'm not ashamed to write that.  Yes, I am a faithful person, but I am also a human, and those thoughts and emotions I have are real.  I'm not going to hide those from...

 Many have asked and are wondering how we are doing.  We so appreciate that people are asking us how we are and thinking of us, so I figured this question is easiest to address in an blogpost.   It has been almost 4 weeks since we lost our Emmy.  We have had good days and bad days, and the grief comes and goes in waves.  Addy is our shining light.  She brings us so much joy and forces us, in a good way, to get up and keep going.   Some days the grief feels so heavy. It feels like there is a weight on my chest as I go throughout the day.  Little tasks feel like a lot. Sadness makes the days feel dull. I lack motivation to do much of anything, and I am quicker to anger. My heart aches for my baby that I carried for 7 and a half months.  My body longs to cradle her in my arms. But we also have had good days.  Days when I laugh, probably at something Addy has done, and have peace that Emmy is in heaven.  Days where I praise th...