How are we doing?

 Many have asked and are wondering how we are doing.  We so appreciate that people are asking us how we are and thinking of us, so I figured this question is easiest to address in an blogpost.  

It has been almost 4 weeks since we lost our Emmy.  We have had good days and bad days, and the grief comes and goes in waves.  Addy is our shining light.  She brings us so much joy and forces us, in a good way, to get up and keep going.  

Some days the grief feels so heavy. It feels like there is a weight on my chest as I go throughout the day.  Little tasks feel like a lot. Sadness makes the days feel dull. I lack motivation to do much of anything, and I am quicker to anger. My heart aches for my baby that I carried for 7 and a half months.  My body longs to cradle her in my arms.

But we also have had good days.  Days when I laugh, probably at something Addy has done, and have peace that Emmy is in heaven.  Days where I praise the Lord for Jesus Christ who has made a way for us to see our daughter again. Days where I imagine what a great time she's having up there, and pray that God tells her how much I love her. These days I picture God holding back the waves of my grief as he did for Moses, so they don't crush me and I don't drown. 

Even though in some ways it feels like my world is standing still, life still has to go on. I had to run a few errands the other day and realized as I went into Walmart that no one would know just by looking at me, that I had just lost a baby, and that I was grieving. And it made me wonder how many other people around me are hurting and grieving that I don't realize.  And my conclusion was that we should all give people a little more grace.  Go a little more easy. And have a little more patience.  You never know what someone else is going through.

Overall however, the theme of this last month has been that we have felt so lavished upon. We are experiencing Ephesians 1:7 in real time.

"In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he has lavished on us," Ephesians 1:7.

God's grace has been so lavished upon us this past month that it has felt so overwhelming.  I've never experienced God in this way. All of the hearts he is moving to pray on our behalf, all of the gifts, all of the meals, all of the cards and messages, all of the acts of service that people have done for us have been absolutely overwhelming and all that we can do is lift our hands and praise our Father for loving us and seeing us in our tragedy. The Lord has not forgotten us.

"She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: 'You are the God who sees me.'" Genesis 16:13

So if you're wondering how we're doing, we're taking it day by day.  There are good days and bad days, and we always appreciate when our friends reach out to check on us.  Some days we're up for talking, and other days we're too tired to respond, but we appreciate the reach outs more than you know.  Our hope and prayer through all of this is that God would heal us and show us pieces of his heart that we haven't experienced before. We hope in Him, our rock and our redeemer.