God is in this Story

As I said when I first started this blog, this post was not one I imagined I'd be writing either.  It is the beautiful story of redemption in our tragic loss where God showed up abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine.  When I saw what God was doing I told Him I would make sure to tell the world this story because I think God is so glorified in it.  Fitting enough, this week I just read the story in John's gospel where Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead.  Where he purposely stays where he is two days longer so that instead of giving Lazarus healing, he would do something bigger and greater like raising him from the dead so that many more would believe after witnessing such a miracle. Though our story of loss doesn't involve Jesus raising Emmy back to life, it does involve details that only God could do.  And so in this story I hope and pray that your faith would be strengthened, and if you don't know the Lord as your personal savior, you would invite Him to be that for you. Walking with God doesn't mean the absence of pain or hardship, but it does mean you experience a love and care that this world cannot offer you.  No one has ever cared for me like Jesus.  He showed His care in a tangible way by through giving us Eliza Faith on 11/28/2023.

The story starts here.  About 6 months after we lost Emmy we started trying for another baby.  We ended up getting pregnant again and were so thrilled.  After a couple weeks it started becoming more real and I started to picture what our life would be like with another child, the maternity clothes I would need to buy, how it would be to have a newborn in the summer etc... Unfortunately on 11/29/2022, after 8 weeks, my body started miscarrying.  It was painful, both physically and emotionally.  After my body had healed we started trying again and it was taking longer than I wanted it to to get pregnant again.  My heart just so longed for another child, and a sibling for Addy.

Fast forward about 4 more months, at the very end of March I got another positive pregnancy test.  I was thrilled.  Like (maybe?) most women do I plugged the dates into a due date calendar and figured out what made me lift my hands in praise to the Lord.  This new baby was conceived the week that Emmy died, and this new baby would be born the same week that I miscarried our second baby.  Both weeks there was death in my womb the Lord was creating and bringing forth life. In his kindness, he was choosing to rewrite those painful weeks for me and turn them into something beautiful.  This might not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me it was.  Both of those days and weeks my body remembers the trauma and I am filled with grief.  But through this, The Lord was bringing me healing.  Now I can remember those times as both filled with death, but also with life.  I can remember that the Lord takes away, but he also gives and makes new.  I can remember that death exists in this place and this world is not our home, and I can remember that our God is a God of healing and redeeming and creating beautiful things even in this broken world.  That He is still here.  That He still does miracles.  Because when you think about it, the fact that there is life at all after what happened in the garden of Eden is a miracle in itself.  This reminds me what a personal and intimate God we serve, who is so acquainted with the details of our lives.  When I realized what was happening with the dates of this new pregnancy I knew God was at work.  It still blows my mind. To have a stillbirth, then 8 months later a miscarriage, then 4 months later get pregnant on most likely Emmy's birthday and have the baby due the date of our previous miscarriage?! With how off my cycles were after each loss, try to tell me its coincidence and I won't believe it.  This has God's fingerprints all over it. Not only did I feel incredibly seen by our Lord, but it also allowed me to have almost* no anxiety throughout Eliza's whole pregnancy (obviously there was a little bit, especially near the end).  But, as a relatively anxious person, that is also a miracle.  God was telling me from the beginning that this pregnancy was going to work out, that he was going to redeem it.  That I could rejoice and be excited and picture our life with another one without fear of it being taken away.  And sure enough, Eliza faith was born after a quick 2.5 hours of labor completely healthy.  We praise God for sure.  Of course we still miss our Emmy, but we will forever praise His name for Eliza, and the healing he did in my heart through it.