Nurses that were heaven sent

 I truly believe that God hand selected for us the nurses we would have on the day of Emmy's birth.  The nurses that were with us during labor were so kind, and along with my midwife, applied counter-pressure to my back the entire time I was laboring.  They routinely asked us if we needed anything and took care of us so well. They even made little bracelets for us with Emmy's name. After Emmy came out they were so considerate of me and what I wanted.  They asked if I wanted them to put a hat of her or if I wanted to see her hair.  They asked if I wanted to keep holding her, or if I wanted them to weigh and measure her.  They did not do anything to Emmy without consulting me first, and I felt so, so, cared for. Nurses work hard, and aren't always acknowledged for the work they do, so I feel like I need to say just how amazing they were to us.  I will never forget any of them.

As shifts were changing, our nurse that would be with us during the night came in and introduced herself to us.  She was actually the bereavement nurse for the hospital and when she heard our situation, requested to care for us that night.  Her eyes and smile were so kind, and the way that she interacted with us, and with Emmy, you could see the Lord in her. 

A memory that I will always have with me is when she gave Emmy a bath.  She kept telling us how beautiful Emmy was, and talked to her like she was a life that mattered, saying things to her like "you are so sweet." She gently scrubbed her skin and her hair until she had that rosy pink color of a newborn. I think I sobbed the entire time I watched her bathe my daughter.  It was a beautiful and a sorrowful sight at the same time. Then she put her in the little floral onesie we brought, put a pretty pink bow on her head, and swaddled her up. 

Rich and I took turns holding her, alternating between being in awe of our beautiful little girl and grieved that we would never get to know her.  But these moments would be the only memories we would have of her on the outside, so we made the most of them and tried to soak up the time we had her with us in our room. Rich often dances with our other daughter Addy, and the sadness hit that he would never get to do that with Emmy.  But he wanted to anyway, so he turned on the song "Cinderella" by Stephen Curtis Chapman and danced around the hospital room with her.  Hard sobs echoed from both of our mouths, and as I think about that moment again, it still makes me cry, and probably always will.Our nurse continued to check on us throughout the night and was there to talk to us when we needed it.  It was about 8:30pm and she suggested that we go outside and take a walk, since it was still 65 degrees out! We both agreed that fresh air would be good for our soul, so we went outside.  As we were walking we found a little park with a bunch of pink and blue lit up trees to honor all the babies that had died.  We walked around and then found a bench to sit down on and talk and just be.

 

As we headed back upstairs we found Emmy in a little bassinet next to our bed, and she had a cooling pack underneath her to help her maintain her pink color.  Emmy would get to spend the night in our room, right next to my bed.  Our nurse had also pulled a cot up next to my bed because she said, "The couch is too far away, you guys need to be next to each other tonight."  That meant so much to us. Throughout the night she checked on us and brought us blankets, and when we woke up we found out that she had put together a memory box for Emmy with some clippings of her hair, her hospital band, a keychain, a christmas ornament, and precious molds that she had made of Emmy's hands and feet.  Those small gestures of kindness helped ease our burden.  When I think back to our stay at Mercy I will always remember sorrow, as we said goodbye to our baby girl, but memories of comfort and love will always be intertwined.  The nurses and our midwife at Mercy cared for us so incredibly well, and I feel it was Jesus loving us through them.